Back from the Dead...or from the living. Either way I am back...maybe

I think that I have been trying to avoid putting thought to blog for awhile as I am super busy with life. BUT I have realized again how cathartic it can be.

There is a verse in Proverbs 16:24-Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

I am not a fan of tearing others down or lavishing unearned praise. But when these pinup photos came out, I was so horrified at how I looked. I ripped myself to shreds. I was angry that I spent the money and that I looked the way I did. I pored over each one and was critical in thought and word. I was livid that I had tried something new and fell flat on my face or so I thought. I was embarrassed and mad at myself for acting like a typical "girl" and berating myself. I finally told my husband how I felt and you know what? He went and pored over each one with his artist's eye and chose about thirty. He then gave me the list and said now you find the ones from there that you like. I realized that he loved me just the way I was and just the way I looked in those photos. He was so excited that I had taken the initiative and done something I had always wanted to do.

This is just a small picture of how God loves each of us. He loves us no matter what we look like or act like. There is a grace extended that we fail to see. I read The Silver Chair to Caedmon and in the last chapter, Aslan walks up to the two children, who were thinking all these thoughts of how they had failed him again and again. He kisses them and says "I will not always be scolding you. You have done the work I intended for you. Enough with that and follow me."

I hope to write with gracious words in the effort to not allow bitterness to take root. Bitterness has stolen many days from me but not any longer. There is an ideal in my head that when not attained paves the way for me to tear myself down and that is where I struggle. So I hope to have this blog be a safe haven where I can be honest but still be gracious-to others and to myself.

That is why I am starting back up with writing. To extend the grace to myself. What is that phrase? 20% grace. Give myself 20% grace.

So True Little Sister So True

"Never allow the possibility of failure to stop you from reaching your objectives. When you have a strong belief in your actions and desire to succeed nothing can stop you."

So I am sitting here getting ready for bed and I am thinking oh I need to check my dashboard to see what my people have been up to. Facebook is wonderful for that instant rush of information and all but something about people's blogs make it seem more intimate. Anyway, I check my sister's blog and she has this quote. It is inspired from an Abraham Lincoln quote but I am stealing it because it so applies to our lives right now.

We are facing so many changes and the direction in which we are headed seems to contrary to what the world would have us do that we look almost a little crazy but I can honestly say nothing has excited me as much or terrified me as much as where we are headed. Wow was that not just about the longest run on sentence ever. :) So here goes, our plan (and it is our plan for my wonderful and amazing husband has been consulting me on this whole process) is to leave the Navy. OMG! I know here we are the biggest diggits ever and we are leaving. Well Rick is technically but really we both would be. I am so familiar with this world that it is going to be a HUGE adjustment. 

Now that I have made that announcement the baby has taken the cue to start crying. Tomorrow will be an explanation of why we are making this choice and what we will be doing with our crazy selves after all this. :) 

new baby new life new chapter new direction

So this is our life now. We no longer have picture of an odd number but a nice even 4 and as Rick says we have evenly added to the population. I am writing this while being interrupted repeatedly by a crying baby and my 5 year old requesting help on his monthly book project that we waited til today to do. :) So yes my life is hectic but I am happy and looking forward to how our family will continue to grow closer and more rich with this new little girl we have! So yea for Charlotte! And I am sorry it has taken almost a year to write! Will try and keep it back up! 

I realized that I had not written in a good long while. It has been a little busy here in the land of the palm tree. But here is a sampling of some of the pics from Singapore. We had a great time and obviously Caedmon loved being with his daddy. I will update another day but we are on the downward slope of this deployment and looking forward to when we can pick up our missing family member and be complete again. It has been a blessing to have email back up and regular communication once again. I missed that so much. Rick has been so good about including Caedmon in all our correspondence. So Caedmon has his own section in each email just for him. Until next time, Aloha!

Well needless to say it has been awhile since I last blogged. I need an hour or so to do this justice and I am not doing that.
We have had visitors aplenty and just came back from a wonderful trip in which, you guessed it, we saw Rick. It was wonderful and everything one can hope for. I am so happy that we decided to shell out the money for it and go ahead and visit somewhere new and exciting. Rick had a great time and we are still trying to get it through our heads it was real and not a dream.
Now that we are back, reality is sinking in and all the things I need to do before the week is out are creeping in. I am already up to my ears in my lists and I just got home yesterday. Oh well...that is life I guess.
Caedmon loved seeing his Daddy. And now that I look back, I wish I would have thought to take out my camera when they reunited; but I was so tired and overwhelmed with it all, all I could do was smile and cry and be happy. Caedmon was instantly in his Daddy's arms and Rick was just glad to be holding him again.
I am so going to cherish the touch of my husband's hand in mine and seeing his arms holding our child. I think this will sustain all three of us to make it through the next few months. With the Lord's help and our own determination (and loads of friends), we should be just fine.
I am looking forward to going to church again tomorrow and celebrating Jesus and what He did for me and for each of us. My heart is glad again and I owe it to the Lord who had blessed us with the funds and the time to do the things we are doing. Now if only I can take some more time to spend in the Word and start shoring up for my new role as mom of two, life would be near perfect.

Long time, no blog!

Grandma Debbie and Caedmon at Haunama Bay next to the humuhumunukunukuapua'a
Caedmon at the zoo inside the koi fish tunnel, obviously having fun!
Meeting Grandma and Papa at the airport. We gave them leis in their fave colors!
At Duke's with Papa on his birthday! Happy Birthday Papa!

Just a quick photo update of my visit with my parents.
Thought you would all enjoy it!
I may be absent again for a few weeks but believe me when I get back, I will be back with a blogging vengeance!

So here is Caedmon.
He is very proud of his muddy pants.
He never gets dirty but on this day we went hiking in the rain forest.
Where it rains a lot and it gets muddy!
So we were hiking back down the mountain and we both slipped.
Mommy fell and almost landed on him
But he caught himself on some rocks and landed on his butt.
So here are the results of that day:
A muddy but very HAPPY little boy!
All that a mom could ask for!
He had great fun being the line leader
And showing Mommy the best way to go and to hike
Since he is the resident expert in our house at the moment.
According to himself!
And that is all for today!

In my arms

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your Curly Que’s
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books
Are full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see
The truth for lies

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
Cause you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

In my arms
In my arms

So today was much better regarding my attitude. I definitely felt better this afternoon at least. Caedmon and I went to Leapin' Lizards, a place where they have bounce houses up and you pay to get in and play for two hours. Caedmon insisted it was cold outside because it was raining so he wore his "Christmas Hat" as he called it. It is a handknit beanie my aunt made him. He was so sweaty by the time I was able to get it off his noggin. But the activity did wonders for the both of us. It was a good distraction and then we came home- to a phone call from Rick. Yea!! I was able to just chat with him and actually hear about Japan and about what he has seen so far. We basically said our goodbyes but I hope to get one more call tonight. I will miss my husband's voice for a good long while and it has been great being able to just talk to him.
I am still very down about some other things, though. I need everyone to be praying for my friend's son, Joshua. He was born yesterday and was doing fine but is now having troubles. His breathing and his heartbeat are irregular. I got a call today saying there is a possibility they may come and stay with me while he is getting care at Tripler Hospital. We are waiting because the hope is that Joshua improves and there will be no need of his being transfered from Guam to Oahu. I am just needing prayer for my heart that I would continue to be a source of comfort for this family and that my home would accommodate everyone. We will see. Just lots and lots of prayer is needed in this situation. My heart just hurts for all of them.

So here are a few pictures from Sunday. We went to Hickham Beach and played for about 2 hours. The three other boys are sons of some of the other wives whose hubbies are also gone. Caedmon is talking to Rick on the phone. As you can see, he was very happy to have his Daddy to talk to for a few minutes. We have since been able to chat with Rick a few more times. And each time Caedmon is either very silly or really has something to share. Either way I know it makes Rick happy to hear his little voice.
I am feeling my patience leaving me. What ever work the Lord has done in me feels so lost right now. I am forever frustrated and always scowling or at least it feels that way to me. And yet my son loves me. I have no idea what I am doing half the time ( or at least that is how I feel). I want so much just to reach through the phone and bring my husband home. Its like talking to him just makes me miss him more but I would never ever trade the sound of his voice for any other sound.
I am feeling a tad overwhelmed at the prospect of another (approx.) 5 months doing the single parent thing. I am stretched and I just need some time alone- just me and the Lord. No one else.
The nice thing is I have another phone call to look forward to tomorrow. I love talking to my husband. Even if what I say is silly and inconsequential. I want so desperately to sound intelligent and I want to talk about other stuff but my brain just flits away when he is on the phone. I hope he knows I am not being inane on purpose.

So I got a phone call. YEA!! I am so happy now. I have been waiting and waiting. My patience was tested and so I am glad that I had set up a day to go to the beach for Caedmon and I. We needed the distraction. And then he called. I am very excited to have talked with him even if it was but a few minutes. I know that we will talk again. And about different topics than those we did discuss such as credit cards and taxes. The life of a wife is never done and so I had to just remember we will have more time and he needs money to do things while he is in port. In case you have not heard, my hubby's card was compromised while he was gone and so I had to cancel it. So he is depending on a credit card and an ATM card that he does not have a pin for. SO we are figuring out the logistics of his spending and stuff. IT is so much fun.
But back to the call, Caedmon was very excited and talked for a minute and was all silly on the phone. Calling Rick Silly Daddy and making funny noises. He then told him we were at the beach and he had his friends there. and then he was done.
But we are very excited and happy now. We will get to hear from him again.

Family is pervading my every thought. I miss our family being together. In the mornings, we had our cuddle time. Now that Caedmon is four years old, he is too big to sleep in our bed all the time. Plainly put, he is a bed hog. So this morning, Caedmon came in at his usual hour and cuddled with me for a bit. As he was dozing back off to sleep, he reached across me, patted the pillows on the side Daddy sleeps on and sighed "Oh Daddy..." and went back to sleep like he was content Daddy was there. I almost burst into tears at the thought of him not being there when he awoke. But he knew as soon as his eyes re-opened that Rick was on the sub still and he asked all the usual questions. "When will he be back?" "Is he okay?"
I am feeling much better after having fought the flu all weekend. I will say to be sick and a "single parent" is not fun at all. Caedmon was also sick. It was a sicky house for sure. But we are recovering and on the way to going back out at our usual breakneck speed.
One new development is that God brought my way a babysitter. Her name is Hope and she is 13 years old. She is certified and all that. She is coming over for the first time tonight to go over our bedtime routine. I will be attending a MOPS night out with some other moms. It should be fun. I am actually excited. And now I do not have to impose too much on my awesome new friends Stephanie and her husband Shawn to watch Caedmon.
That is all for now.

This was from last year about this time and I thought how funny that we would be sitting somewhere warm and sunburnt a year later. Granted San Diego is pretty much the same as here in Ohau but still...it will be awhile before we see snow again!
I am excited to be starting my new business venture- Creative Memories. I have been kinda on the fence about joining as a consultant. I decided to jump in feet first. There is alot I need to learn but I think this will keep me very busy!
My website for ordering some of the product is http://www.mycmsite.com/sites/amberwristen.
This is way outside my comfort zone but I think God has some plan in it for me.
I am looking forward to what that is!

Caedmon and I had a good day kinda. It started out poorly and I was having trouble getting out of bed due to queasiness. I did not want to wear any of my clothes because they bothered me. It was one of those days. I threw on Rick's Conduct Happiness shirt (see the p is for penguin)- the one that says Broccoli gives me gas and has a little broccoli dressed up as a gas station attendant-and took Caedmon to the park at about noon. We were there for an hour and I was feeling yucky. as we were headed home, I realized it was Super Bowl Sunday. I was missing my friends and bean dip and taco salad and chips. Ahh, glorious chips! Then I saw I had a message on my answering machine. It was my friend Stephanie inviting me to Super Bowl Sunday at her house. I was able to go and hang out and Caedmon got to play with his friend T. Which was great because I did not really play with him at all today. I am frustrated with myself for this lately. I am sick but still I need to make sure he knows I care about his interests and that I love to play with him. I have had a lackluster attitude the past few days. Grrr! Tomorrow will be better.
Super Bowl was fun to watch but some of the commercials were stupid and inappropriate for kids. Thank goodness Caedmon didn't really watch the game. I think my favorite has to be the Mr. Potato one. Here is a link so you can watch it:
http://www.mahalo.com/Bridgestone_Potato_Head_Super_Bowl_Ad
The day ended well. Caedmon came home and had a sandwich and watched his favorite movie The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. The only thing that could have made this day end even better would have been an email from Rick. But alas none for 3 days. Boo!

So I am posting this up as way for people to know what Rick needs in prayer while he is gone. So far, he is doing well and his boat's morale is still good.
1) He needs sleep. It is hard to get used to the sounds of a submarine. His hours are not the same and the noises are quite different. He is having trouble getting sleep this week.
2) Loneliness. He may be surrounded by people but they are people new to him. There really is no one he calls friend yet. He is still building those relationships.
3)Safety during port calls. While I cannot divulge where they will be going, they will be visiting foreign countries.
4) His spiritual walk. That it would be strengthened and uplifted. Pray he will get plugged into the services that are held by the layleader on Sundays and that he will read his Bible avidly with a new passion.
5)Routine can be both soothing yet mind-numbing. Pray that he is able to alleviate boredom and continue to read and keep himself busy.
6)Caedmon- He is missing Rick already. Pray he does not get too sad and is excited for him to return.
7)Me-I need strength and guidance as I go thru this time.

Thanks. I was just thinking of Rick today after his latest email and he needs prayer like never before.

So I am missing my husband tonight. I want to crawl into my bed and have him by my side to curl up next to. I know it is only a few days into our being apart but it is fresh in my mind. I miss him. I emailed him and he responded which just made my day today. I love that the shoes we bought him are good for his legs and he is enjoying the movies he brought. I am just sad he will miss Caedmon growing in leaps and bounds. Caedmon asked me today if he could go on Daddy's boat and cuddle with Daddy in his rack. He said "I won't get in the way. I will just cuddle with Daddy." He watched some of the videos we had made before Rick left. That seemed to help some tonight. It is like this feeling of sadness comes and goes.
On a lighter note, I had my first family readiness group meeting. I met some other wives and found out I have some kindred women who are going through the exact same situation- being 6-7 weeks pregnant and having another child to take care of and having had to say goodbye to hubby. So that helps ease the lonely feeling. I volunteered to help with the planning of the halfway night party for the wives so that should keep me busy.
Anyway, that has been my day today and I am tired; so off to sleep I will hopefully drift. I have struggled with resting and just letting my brain turn off the past week so I need to sleep.

This past weekend was filled with fun and relaxation as we prepared ourselves for our farewell.
We went and drove up around North Shore.
The view from the highway is what you see in the photos.
We made it to Haliewa and had lunch.
Then we treated ourselves to shave ice with ice cream at the bottom. As they say in the islands, it was "ono"(delicious)!
Caedmon also decided to try his hand at taking some pictures.
His subjects were the free-range chickens and his feet.
He loves his little camera.
Anyway, on to today. Today was tough. The first two pictures pretty much sum up our day. We said goodbye for a long while. Rick was sad, as was I. Caedmon hasn't really got it but we prepped him as much as we could before Daddy left. When we went to the beach today, we got to actually see Daddy's boat go out into the ocean. Caedmon was running up and down the beach yelling "Bye Daddy!" and then he went back to playing in the sand. I have been trying to emulate my son. He just got on with his day. I am putting one foot in front of the other and not really feeling the weight of our goodbye just yet. I know that this next few weeks will be tough and I am going to start a count down tradition with Caedmon. I have not got any ideas yet so suggestions would be welcome.
We will be fine as long as we trust in the Lord.

Caedmon was swinging on an old tree swing at Great Grandma and Grampa Grape Wristen's house. Caedmon decided he would save us in the event of the plane landing in the ocean. His first week here and he is decked out in Hawaiian gear. We walked Waikiki Beach when we first arrived. There was an old cement wave break and we walked out onto it and saw little fish in the ocean and crabs EVERYWHERE which delighted Caedmon. They were little black spotted crabs and big gray ones.

This was Christmas Morning and you can hear the Christmas song Happy Birthday Jesus in the background. Caedmon was very excited as you can tell.



This was our view from the hotel the first week we were here. It pretty much looked like this every day. We spent alot of time watching SpongeBob (I still think it is a stupid show but Rick now finds it funny). The squeals you here are Caedmon freaking out about the rain being sprayed into our room from the balcony!

So I am even more in love with my husband today then ever before and it is for a very silly reason. He knows how much it means to me to be able to save my photos to a file and then put those photos onto a disk or on Shutterfly. After the fiasco of losing all my digital photos of Caedmon as a baby, I am resolved to never trust in just the computer to save things. So anyway, here we are back to today. My husband came home for a bit and set up my computer in like 5 minutes and had it connected to the internet and printing and everything. YEAH!! I am now in the process of putting said pics on a disc and I am also going to be uploading to the blog so you get to see our house and everything! WooHoo! So there you go, a little silly blog for today!